This current migraine cycle is now approaching 7, (SEVEN) weeks, not days, weeks.
That is 42 days....
Why am I keeping track? Well for one thing the doctor needs to know. But I'm not sure why else.
I'm really trying to keep a positive attitude, for the most part. Yesterday I had a bit of a pity party. I was feeling that nobody in my extended family really cares about me and my struggles with migraine disease. That I'm trying to do the right thing and avoid my triggers, the many foods, products, odors that can trigger a migraine, so why aren't I getting better? Oh poor me......
Actually I think the pity party was on Thursday night, anyway, I told David about it and talking to him made me realize how foolish and even selfish my pity party for me was.
Then yesterday Daniel was reading his assigned book for school and came to me and said, "Have you read this book?" I told him I had but it had been a while. He told me that I needed to read the chapter he had just finished.
The book is, It's NOT About Me, by Max Lucado
Chapter 12 My Struggles Are About Him
Have you heard about Martin and Gracia Burnham? They were the missionaries that were taken hostage by terrorists associated with bin Laden. Martin was killed by crossfire when Philippine Rangers attacked the terrorist camp.
Why did Martin have to die? Did God mess up? Was He mad? Can't the Maker of heaven and earth handle bad traffic and prevent bad marriages? Of course He can. Then why doesn't He?
Why did He let my great-nephew Axel be born with a birth defect so severe he didn't make it to his 2nd birthday? Why did He allow my sister to be afflicted with both migraine disease and bi-polar disorder? Why is He allowing my neighbor, "Aunt Bert" to be dying of cancer as I write? Why God, Why?
Have we so exhausted the mercy of God's bank account that every prayer bounces like a bad check? Did humanity cross the line years ago, and now we're getting what we deserve? Such an argument carries a dash of merit. Lucado continues. God does leave us to the consequences of our stupid decisions. Think Egyptian soldiers in the Read Sea. Hebrews in Babylon. Peter weeping with the sound of a crowing rooster in his ears. Bang your head against a wall and expect a headache. God lets us endure the fruit of sin. But to label Him peeved and impatient? To do so you need to scissor from your Bible some tender passages such as:
God is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
(Psalm 103:8-11 MSG)
Don't blame suffering in the world on the anger of God. Follow your troubles to their headwaters and you won't find an angry or befuddled God. You will find a sovereign God.
Your (My) pain has a purpose. Your (My) problems, struggles, heartaches, and hassles cooperate toward one end-the glory of God............
Remember the blind man? The disciples asked Jesus who had sinned and caused the mans blindness. Was it the mans parents or the man himself. Wrong, Jesus replied. Don't search for who sinned. Blame this blindness on a call from God.
Why was the man sightless? So "the works of God might be displayed in him."
Odds are he (and I) would have preferred another role in the human drama. This assignment held little glamour.
Mary, be a mother to my son.
Peter, you'll be my first preacher.
Matthew, the first gospel? It's all yours.
Then God turns to me, "And Susan, you?"
You will suffer migraines for my glory.
I'll have migraines?
Yes, constant, unrelenting migraines.
For your Glory?
But I don't understand.
I know. You don't need to understand right now.
And I need to learn to say, "Alright Lord. Whatever Your will, I accept it."
But it's hard, so hard.